Paradise Regained

Just going blank, is a good thing, you feel life going by you, with nothing at all to expect, maneuver, deliver and achieve. But unfortunately we can’t carry it one for more than a few split seconds cause honestly; the mires of human mind tangle you into them so much so soon that you would just get up and get going on your next job. I define job as anything that requires an effort.

This time I had the privilege of visiting my hometown; a barely 100 people population village in a district called Pauri in Uttaranchal, India. I really don’t know what I missed not being a part of that serene yet bustling village in my younger years, but I knew one thing that in the midst of the city noise I had lost my innocence.

Since my childhood I had this bunch of expectations associated with me. I was to never say never and adorn the ‘smart kid’ cap at all times. I am born eldest in both my paternal and maternal families, and match the definition of the ‘ideal’. My whole life role was set in front of me by my elders (I would not only say parents). Life moved on. I did not have time to turn back, came school, studies, friends, boyfriends and I kept meeting and exceeding expectations. I always thought as if I owed my families a lot and I was the responsible one. It made me extremely practical and shrewd. Thinking with my heart was a history. There was never a moment when I was not buzzing with thoughts of future plans, responsibilities and achievement.

Then came that day, weary of my 3600 metres above sea level drive to my village, I sat down on a cliff overlooking a deep gorge, I felt dizzy, my mind thought, driving past the hills must have done it, and then it all went BLANK!

My body felt so free and full of energy, something was elevating me. It felt like God had run a cleaning tape on my stereo head. He wanted me to be restarting my life and live it once for myself. I had never felt it before and knew would never feel it ever again. I wanted to clench that feeling as I heard my mother calling me for evening socialization.

The misty drizzle was getting heavier but it felt that a lot of clouds were lifted off my head.