Read this only if you have time. A old time pal wrote to me:
We started off, long long time back, all starry eyed, love for each other.
He said, ‘catch them young, see them grow’, I thought it the sweetest thing; it gave me strength to follow my dreams. I led on, thinking that I was the luckiest.
We got married; leaving behind all that I had known: my good old self, friends, parents seemed easy, I had him.
I tried my effort best to win over his family. There was no reciprocation. They don’t share the enthusiasm and zeal in life. Life proved me wrong. I thought I would expect some solace at his end, but he never had enough time to confront it. For the first time in my life, I felt lonely.
Temporary defenseless gave me a blunt attitude and obviously a ‘bad name’ in my extended family. I did not mind that until I knew that he knew, it was not true. I still don’t know if he knew at all.
Times changed, giving yet another chance to see myself doing what I wanted to do. It was away from all the black noise that I heard back there. but life was yet going to prove me wrong.
Now, it was always about him, he wanted this, that and I played along, I thought it was love. When they say love is blind, they are right. When they say Love keeps you youthful and glowy; I beg to differ. It’s the expensive cosmetics that do!
I was struck in a mire of being a super woman (it does not exist) who could multitask, juggle fabulously between hectic work schedules, great get-togethers and even meticulous cleaning up after it, while he only played a proud guest.
BTW, our so called ‘friends’ find me dominating. It’s my loquaciousness that awes them I guess. It is an art form, not all know how to entertain. I AM WHAT I AM. (copy right : Shruti Chamoli) I don’t talk to influence or intimidate, if that’s the message, I think it’s a case of poor assessment.
And I also cant fathom, what is with people, all healthy discussions are called arguments, arguing means pulling down, raising voices, nagging, commenting on personal lives and throwing some non sense phrases. I call it, diffidence. Simple: when u can’t defend your point in a discussion, you play nasty. (Something like everything is fair in love and war! Which war are we talking here, dont know!)
Coming back to my master. Time management is always an issue, never seemed to have time enough for himself. Whenever he has time, he sprinkles me with some love and attention! (I get happy!!)
Bringing up any issues means blabbering to the walls. ‘I don’t have time for all this, just shut up’ he would scream.
Yet another favorite statement: ‘Married life is not hunky dory as it looks in the movies, it’s boring and mundane’ : means you can’t have any expectations; just dump them.
BTW you could do anything to make your master’s life effortless; but hey you are supposed to do it anyway, so no doughnuts for you!
I am sick of feeling unwanted! I thought, last night.
This Valentines, I call it a new life. Shruti’s blog header says so much and I want to add something more: I DO WHAT I DO, I AM WHAT I AM.
He said, ‘catch them young, see them grow’, I thought it the sweetest thing; it gave me strength to follow my dreams. I led on, thinking that I was the luckiest.
We got married; leaving behind all that I had known: my good old self, friends, parents seemed easy, I had him.
I tried my effort best to win over his family. There was no reciprocation. They don’t share the enthusiasm and zeal in life. Life proved me wrong. I thought I would expect some solace at his end, but he never had enough time to confront it. For the first time in my life, I felt lonely.
Temporary defenseless gave me a blunt attitude and obviously a ‘bad name’ in my extended family. I did not mind that until I knew that he knew, it was not true. I still don’t know if he knew at all.
Times changed, giving yet another chance to see myself doing what I wanted to do. It was away from all the black noise that I heard back there. but life was yet going to prove me wrong.
Now, it was always about him, he wanted this, that and I played along, I thought it was love. When they say love is blind, they are right. When they say Love keeps you youthful and glowy; I beg to differ. It’s the expensive cosmetics that do!
I was struck in a mire of being a super woman (it does not exist) who could multitask, juggle fabulously between hectic work schedules, great get-togethers and even meticulous cleaning up after it, while he only played a proud guest.
BTW, our so called ‘friends’ find me dominating. It’s my loquaciousness that awes them I guess. It is an art form, not all know how to entertain. I AM WHAT I AM. (copy right : Shruti Chamoli) I don’t talk to influence or intimidate, if that’s the message, I think it’s a case of poor assessment.
And I also cant fathom, what is with people, all healthy discussions are called arguments, arguing means pulling down, raising voices, nagging, commenting on personal lives and throwing some non sense phrases. I call it, diffidence. Simple: when u can’t defend your point in a discussion, you play nasty. (Something like everything is fair in love and war! Which war are we talking here, dont know!)
Coming back to my master. Time management is always an issue, never seemed to have time enough for himself. Whenever he has time, he sprinkles me with some love and attention! (I get happy!!)
Bringing up any issues means blabbering to the walls. ‘I don’t have time for all this, just shut up’ he would scream.
Yet another favorite statement: ‘Married life is not hunky dory as it looks in the movies, it’s boring and mundane’ : means you can’t have any expectations; just dump them.
BTW you could do anything to make your master’s life effortless; but hey you are supposed to do it anyway, so no doughnuts for you!
I am sick of feeling unwanted! I thought, last night.
This Valentines, I call it a new life. Shruti’s blog header says so much and I want to add something more: I DO WHAT I DO, I AM WHAT I AM.
______________________________________________________________
I call her a die hard optimistic with an attitude!
What are you? Hope u have a great Valentines!
I call her a die hard optimistic with an attitude!
What are you? Hope u have a great Valentines!
6 comments:
I was never about a passion. I do dream but the problem is that even my subconcious mind knows that those are dreams that I am in and so I can manipulate them 'on-the-fly'. Never can anything go out of hand. So, the dreams clearly could never be that inspiring or exciting, apart from the odd goddess here and there that I sleep with in my sleep.
Thus, it has so turned out to be that I now borrow a bit from everyone's passion and everyone's dreams. I have seen my lenders pay the price for their stocks, mostly out of the stock itself. I've even worn the sadistic smirk once in a while when someone's dream bled. But I want to see them go the distance, make it to the post, even if with nothing left in their pockets in the end but a torn piece of paper of what when they set out was an epic of visions. That piece of paper will then form the preamble of their system of their things and I, being the selfish predator that I am, will feed on their stories of courage as I too am looking forward to having a passion of my own someday... preferably a filtered and tested one. (Alas, I think I'll never be able to change)
That is what I am. Very much a part of the crowd. But someday not in the very distant future, I'll rise flyin' towards the sky - either like a small balloon, that'll be gone before anyone notices except a pair or two of tiny innocent eyes...or like spectacular fireworks that'll never stop blazing the stratos, and they'll all marvel.
BTW, it was my first valentines in six years without my long-time girlfriend. Could've been sullen, but was not. Went out drivin' in the night with two o my friends. 40 odd kms outside the city to a secluded lake surrounded by a jungle. Sat on the wild and pitch-dark lakeside chatting up and boozing from 1 to 7 am. Left with the morning fog showing up. Quality Time Spent. Thank god for this life. I don't want to cease exploiting it.
Mr. Ghost wrote something else to:
must say... quite a stark and sudden deviation from the spirit of the earlier postings. It was like coming back into theatre after intermission and finding another movie playin'. but that's not all that unusual. the presenter or the director of the movie hasn't changed. they used to say that the directors need to set personal philosophies aside and play to the formula if they wanted to fetch their films some box-office success. today, we can only laugh at them. your creations, your life, should smartly have the elements to appeal to the system but should finally bear YOUR signature when the credits roll and the curtain falls. efficiency is appreciated (in fact, not even that, these days it's a pre-requisite), innovation and originality is what is respected, payed and remembered. without the latter, all's a waste.
gosh, this should rather have been one o the comments back at ur blog.
I think, life should be unpridictable to the extent of being comfortable, humans are selfish u see.
Many times u loose what goals you have in life and let others and ruly emotions override, u try and fight, but hey does anyone care?
Then u retaliate, some in a passive n sadist way some active and positive.. the latter is better recommended! It gives you a genuine vision, reassert the goals and binds loose ends.. then u can be off to a jolly good start to follow your lost dreams.. moreso passion.
btw, i belive variety is a spice of life, so why not flaunt it to the best of your creative ability.. sometimes life shows its dark side and good or bad u have to accept that it exsits!
of course...and this variety also reminds the reader that this is no travelguru.com, it's a cruisader's blog (no embellishment, cruisader's something that we all are, only that S. is also hopping geographies, cultures and cuisines) who'd like to share her experiences. And her intentions are noble. (Not! She wants you green with envy, particularly about the food. I've never tried Wasabi, and here's a blog that'll rub that in! aaaaaaargh. no, i'm not a loser. please god, help me.)
wow.. now that was compliment!
dont worry there wil be many times in your life to try all that u want, just keep ur eyes and ears open!
no one is ever a looser, i once read, 'u cant make me less, just because u think u are more'..
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